Today is quite a meaningful day for me.
I went to bank and EPF to have my address update and money withdrawal. I went to computer shops to have a look on the netbook that I planned to buy for dad. I went to get new calendar. I went to hypermarket and shopping mall to buy household stuff, groceries and books. I went to drink "bitter tea" too!
I feel good and better now. However, physically I am still sick. I hate the sore throat. Please go away.
*A replacement post for yesterday
I was starving since last 2 days. I ate breakfast in the morning at about 9am then I only had my dinner at about 6pm.
I just didn't feel like eating. Perhaps, it was due to both mental and physical sickness. Sore throat and a bit psycho. I planned to reduce my body fat as well as my trousers are getting smaller and tighter nowadays.
I have a bad mood today. It caused my sore throat even worse.
Again, my whole day was spoilt. Please let it be. I know what to do. Your "advices" make me even fear of relationship and marriage. Your demand will no longer end.
I am grateful to have your care and guidance all the while. However, I just can't continue to live like this anymore. I will become mad one day. Really! Please let it be...... Please......
*A replacement post for yesterday
Recently I watched this Hong Kong drama - On Call 36 Hours. This drama is quite nice as there are a lot of handsome actors and pretty actresses.
The actress I like the most is Tavia Yeung. I prefer to watch her acts in the modern/current century as she looks more natural to take the role.
The actor I like the most is Kenneth Ma. Although his pity and sad looks are a bit unacceptable (欠打）for me but he still won the audiences' heart.
The rest of actors and actresses that I like include Nathan Ngai, Mandy Wong, Ben Wong, Him Law, Benjamin Yuen, Candy Chang and Paisley Hu.
*A replacement post for last 2 days
I had a sore throat again. This time it was at the left hand side of the throat. Actually, I felt uneasy on my throat since a few days ago. The sore throat became significant after I ate the fried mamak noodles in my cafeteria last Thursday. Besides, the plate of noodles was quite salty. It was such a bad taste meal.
Today I had a chit chat with my colleagues for quite some time.
After the conversation, my heart was opened a bit as I accepted to know new female friend who stay nearby my place. Just making friends, it is not a big deal.
However, my heart is still fighting at this moment. I worry that I will be controlled by another person when committing in a relationship. If the relationship is on, I don't think this blog is going to be continued. I am going to lost a space to pour out the hidden voice in my heart.
I want to escape from all these. I don't want to listen anymore.
I hate of events......Weddings......
I hate of festivals......Christmas......
I just want to be myself. What am I wrong if I am still single? Anything wrong to be single?
I am really tiring to face all of these. The only place for me to prohibit from the society pressure is no longer secure for me. I need your support. I need your understanding. I just want to be who am I.
Silent Christmas eve...... This is my first self created flash. Sad...... I feel wanna cry.
I think I should make myself busy. If too free, I just keep on thinking. It will further ruin my life. I just can't continue my life smoothly with the complicated and scary thoughts.
Today, I went to move refrigerators between 2 houses. Surprisingly I felt better after doing something. At least, my mind is a bit relax after that.
*A replacement post for yesterday
I was being force to date a girl again. I knew what to do by myself. I don't want the purposely arrangement by you!
I was really tiring on all these. Enough! I was really exhausted to listen and listen your "advices".
Deep in my heart, I wish to have a date with a nice girl. However, my mind was full with uncertainties and fears. I can't really breath now. You and you kept on pushing me further only with your deeds. OMG! I just want to live with my own way!
*A replacement post for last 2 days
Last Friday, I chatted a lot with my peers' colleagues in the office.
I was quite worry on the eavesdropper. We chatted for a lot of topics. Our histories, experiences on teaching and learning. Hopefully it will not bring any negative consequences to my future.
*A replacement post for yesterday
Yesterday, the mumbling continued. This round was from my sister and dad. I was done.
Lunch, dinner......non stop...... ENOUGH...... I knew what I should do. I need my space. Please don't push me further with your words. I thought of running away from here.
*A replacement post for last 2 days
Mum:
Grab the opportunity......quite fond of the girl......her background quite good......quite a good girl......try to communicate with her by asking relative help......admire on XXX that got daughter in law......
I:
Don't want to listen......Argh......
These words were really sharp and painful to both my heart and yours. I knew it. I am really sorry. I am not meant it. GOD, please help me. I felt of running away from the house to a place that is far far away.
*A replacement post for last 2 days
There was noisy sound on my car during my driving last Tuesday. Actually it occurred since the day before last Tuesday and the sound was not significantly noisy. I suspected it was due the brake pad.
Dad is kind of quick acting and conscious person. He drove the car to the workshop for repair after I came back from work. After investigation by the mechanic, it was due to rear brake pads were used up. He came back quite late after the repair on several other problems on the car as well. I was really thankful and appreaciate on what he has done to me.
*A replacement post for last 4 days
It was such an embarrassed introduction in a wedding dinner. It spoilt my mood throughout the dinner.
Were you expecting me to sit together with the girl after the awkward introduction in front of so many eyes, especially a numbers of elderly on the table?
In fact, the girl is quite attractive. She is cute, slim and tall. We did a formal handshake and self introduction. However, I was just not prepared to talk to a new friend in that kind of situation. Please be understanding. Mumbling from you all made me felt ashamed in front of the relatives.
I was really moody after the dinner. I drove swiftly in the home journey. I kept myself hidden and cried in my room. I talked to myself that I am not going to attend any relatives wedding event in the future. It only ruined my life physically and mentally.
*A replacement post for last 5 days
It is year end of 2012. As usual, it was the time for education fairs and open day last weekends. I was on duty in the school open day last Sunday.
Such a bored day as there were really less inquiries and registrations. I spent most of the time in chatting with colleagues. A bit worry as the new intake rate was very low nowadays. I had to re-plan on my career path.
I think a lot about my career path.
I skip today class as I just feel like I am not going to proceed on the study. I couldn't see it may bring any benefits to me even I obtain a professional degree later.
I am uncertain. I don't know what should I do. I am struggling in making decision. I am totally indecisive. Sigh!
I like to read and I like to share. Unfortunately I don't like to quote. Research must goes through these processes: read, quote, compile, analyze, discuss and conclude. If there is no quoting process, definitely I am going to pursue.
*A replacement post for yesterday
"Should I stay or should I go?"
I had a lot of worries in my mind. There were a lot of history in this company. "Company found your faults before you left the company". This was what I listened from colleagues.
Such a scary sharing that I had ever heard. I believed that this company was not as bad as what I had listened? It frightened me a bit. Hopefully they are understanding.
*A replacement post for last 2 days
I had difficulties in simulating a transient curve of capacitor charging with Multisim 7. Initially, it seemed working. However, I failed to obtain the transient curve after a few attempts on the simple circuit.
It only worked with the input of square wave from the function generator. I was wondering the dc battery source with series capacitance and resistance did not able to generate the desired transient curve for the capacitor voltage. Why?!
What should I do?
Professional degree? Money? Life? Career? Business? Job? Banking? Technical?
I don't know what I want? I kept on searching via internet on job vacancies. It made me become more uncertain and think more. I am done.
*A replacement post for yesterday
Yesterday, dad accompanied me to have my car repair. In fact, I was too dependent especially on the automotive matter. Perhaps, dad was considered an expert/experienced in that field. It made me very dependent on him.
Nowadays, everything was expensive. Tyre price keeps on increasing. One piece of tyre cost RM200++. How did I able to survive to drive long distances for work with low salary? The steering was too shaky due to the "swollen" tyre. No matter how expensive, I had to change it.
Besides, dad insisted to do the tint repair on the rear screen as bubbles emerged. Eventually he sent for repair. It cost me a RM70++. I felt it was still useable. Parents were worry about my safety on road. They felt it created poor vision. Anyway, I was really thankful and appreciated to what they have done for me.
*A replacement post for last 2 days
It was quite dissapointing when I knew that my job application was kept in view. I got to know it from the nice manager via text. Perhaps, I showed uncertainty of switching job during the 2nd interview. Besides, my expected salary might be too much different from the pay scale.
Later, I was self-consoling that it could be a good news as the working location is really far away from my house. Besides, the traffic jam along the way back from the workplace was terrible. Highway became a slow way during peak hours.
Anyway, this made me feel uncertainty about my future career path. I was busy searching for vacancies from the internet then.
Recently I am playing one of the android's game. It is Monster Galaxy Elite. It is quite interesting as the game is alike pokemon. I like to have such fighting between pets, monsters or heroes.
I have really no heart to study nowadays. OMG!
*A replacement post for yesterday
Yesterday, I discovered an area of my room's floor was full with water when I came back from a steamboat dinner with mum and niece. After investigation, I found out that it was due to the roof leakage. It was because there was a very heavy rain before I reached home.
Previously, the leakage was at another area of the room. It was just a minor leakage. However, this time was quite serious as my cabinet and half of my working table were get wet. Luckily, my laptop and mobile phone were not placed on the table as they were used to be. Thanks God!
I was wondering after the maintenance team did the roof repair, the leakage became even worse. Is it due to their poor engineering solving skills? I had to make a complain again on the leakage next Monday.
*A replacement post for last 2 days
Last Friday, I watched dramas and movie throughout the night. One episode of my drama, one episode of dad's drama and one movie - Breaking Dawn Part 2.
It was a bit awkward when watching the sex scene of Breaking Dawn Part 2 together with my dad. After a while, dad did not join me to watch the rest of the movie. Perhaps, he was not interested in this kind of vampires' movie. Besides, he might not understand the story of the movie as he did not follow the previous episodes.
This finale of Twilight is quite interesting as each of the vampires poses their own special abilities. It was cool.
*A replacement post for last 3 days
I watched this short clip from the internet previously. I found that it was interesting and great. This guy is kind of sexy and mature man. I like to see his face expression after ejaculating. Really cool.
I have a lot of pending forms recently. Appraisal, bank account application and etc......
Today I almost forgot on my photocopy machine's password. Luckily I managed to recall it back. I think I have being distracted for a lot of worries about my future. I live in a difficult moment which is being pressured by myself. I must walk out from all of these.
I cried loudly to myself in the car during driving occasionally. Perhaps this is one of the way to release my tension. Hopefully I am not suffering from any mental problem.
