Since yesterday I was trying on an old smart phone Nokia X6. I am continuing to discover it today.
Finally I found out that it is only compatible to make video call by using this application - Fring. Skype also cannot be used for video call.
This Nokia platform is not user friendly at all which opposing the popularity of its brand origin. Perhaps it was announced considerably early at 2009 when smartphone was just started to become popular.
*A replacement post for yesterday
I had this weird dream recently. I can't remember when was it. This was happened in these few days. Perhaps, it was during my afternoon nap or night sleep.
It was kinda a strange dream. In my dream, I had a rough kisses from one of my married aunty colleague. Our kiss was ended due to she hurt the surrounding of my lip. OMG, why? I can't remember exactly whether there was any sex occurrence or not. However, I felt uncomfortable in the dream. I didn't feel the orgasm. I felt it was such a promiscuous(滥交）. What information did the dream trying to convey? It was really complicated and scary.
*A replacement post for last Friday
I went to watch Iron Man 3 with my ex-colleagues. We went to have dinner together.
This movie is not bad. No boring scenes at all. The main actor is damn sexy and cool, especially on the scene when he tried on his iron suite with automation and wireless.
*A replacement post for last Thursday
We were texting to each others via facebook. I felt I was a bit anxious. I was waiting for her reply most of the time. I was eagerly to know more about her. What was it mean? Am I falling in love with her? What is this actually? She has Joey Yung vocal.
*A replacement post for last Wednesday
She talked to me other than the official topics. She talked about the mutual facebook friend.
I had a messy mind on that day. I felt I was attracted to her. How? What did I want actually? It was complicated. She looks nice!
Today I sweat a lot in the dancing class.
The dance steps are kinda complicated and fast this time. It required a lot of body movement. Many twisting and swinging of the body.
There is a handsome guy attend the class quite late. He has a short hair, average body, wearing a body fit round neck t-shirt and jean. Well, he has a cute face with big eyes and tanned skin. He is actually having a dancing session with his partner after our class. His partner is a cute girl. She taught us last week as well. She has fair skin and nice body. I like to see her dance, especially those freestyle and hot dance. In fact, both of them are young and cute. A bit envy...... When do I have a chance to dance with them in a one to one mode?
Crying day again.
今天上班途中，不知不觉地我又哭了。
近来，心情真的很低落。我的心好疼，好累！转眼间，我的生日即将来临。这也意味着我即将踏入二九关卡。三十大关也只剩下区区的三百六十五天了。
我真的活得很不开心。我当然知道一个人生活是多么的可怜，要找个人帮忙擦背都很困难。但是，请不要无情地在我孤独的心上洒霜。实在是好冷，好孤独，好无助。我真的不知道该向谁倾诉我面对的问题。无奈地把这一切一切独自吞下。不管是否能不能消化，还是得一个人承受。哪怕有一天真的会消化不良，上吐下泻。
每每想到自己的将来，是何等的恐惧与惊慌。我是否能够继续这样活下去。常常会有想要逃到一个没人认识我的地方去，或许这样才能够让我活得像我自己。但是，那份孤独还是跟随着你。因为我还是我一个人。
一天一天地过去了。我活得还可以。但现阶段真的有点活得有点不耐烦。真的好像豁出去，大大声告诉全世界，我就是原来的我。但是，回到现实的社会。我就像是一只出不了声狗儿，一声不响。不想出声并不是胆怯，最重要的是我不能够那么地自私把一切坦白。这可是牵连甚广。
我那颗心真的受伤了。好疼好疼！
Today I encounter some sad feeling and it is extraordinary significant now.
Nagging...... OMG, I wanna become crazy already.
My heart is painful. I really don't know how tough am I going to handle all of these in the future. I really want to cry loudly and tell the world I am just who I am. Please respect people like us!
*A replacement post for yesterday
Unifi released all channels and 10 free view of Video On Demand for 7 days.
I redeemed a video, entitle Paint Skin 2 yesterday. This movie is quite interesting with special magical effects and good moral values.
Skin vs Heart?
Unfortunately, human tends to choose something based on skin/appearance. I was struggling on these issue as well.
However, the most suffering part is my own heart. I just can't persuade myself to allow anyone to come into my heart. I was waiting for the right one. Is a she or he? I was confusing and I was really afraid.
*A replacement post for last Friday
I dated my buddy last Friday for dinner. We chatted a lot. However, I was still not sure about his sexual orientation. Perhaps he is straight.
I felt uncertainty on my feeling on him. What kind of feeling is it? I like to talk and share my experiences with him. However, I just don't really interested in his living taste. For instance, his attire, appearance and body.
That night, I had a sudden thought of buying a table tennis table so that I can play with my buddy and parents. I felt I want to spend my time with my buddy and parents for sport.
*Unfortunately, the idea was disagreed by parents on the next day when I proposed. The reason again was the heartbroken one.
*A replacement post for last Thursday
There was a blood donation drive in my working place. I went to donate blood again. This was my 2nd time of blood donation. Therefore I felt more comfortable after donating blood this round. I felt weak and dizzy at the first time donation. Perhaps it was due to my wrong minded and nervousness.
Again I continued to watch the Korean drama at night. The story is quite interesting as the two main characters are discussing about their first meeting on the flight. I felt I was alike the main character, Tae Sub who is eager but passive for a special relationship due to the nonacceptance of family and society. The feeling was weird when watching the togetherness of couple. It was really complicated. It was exactly like Tae Sub's feeling. The only difference is he met Kyung Soo, his soulmate.
This is my feeling today. A bit complicated and moody.
不知怎么的，心里觉得好难受。突然间有想哭的感觉。但是我憋住了，毕竟是上班时间。但是，心里还是阵阵的疼着。就是一直对那部韩剧耿耿于怀。向往有喜欢的人倍伴着，就那么一个简单的拥抱已经很足够。但是，它可是那么的遥不可及。男主角的那句话，深深地刻在我心里。他说，他们并不能真正了解，他们只是接受罢了。听了觉得很心酸。而且，那一股收藏在心里的孤单现在显得那么的了然。出柜或许是一种解脱又或许是无情的排撤。两位主角心里世界是多么的无助与彷徨。我突然觉得很无奈。如果可以的话，难道我就不想与一般人一样吗？活在冷冰冰的孤独世界里，我好害怕！毕竟，我不知我能撑得多久。就像男主角曾经就有想去死的感觉。不过，我明白这并非解决问题的方法。或许会带给身边爱你的人痛不欲生。伪装自己，好累好累。我就真的想把自己的情感紧紧地锁闭起来，做个没感情的人。能吗？我真的很害怕有一天我会崩溃。我尽量阅读心理辅导及激励书集。不过，那一时时的催济把我弄得常常哭得死去活来。这样的把一切自己啃起来，是我之前的想法与决定。不过，我发现我毕竟是那么的脆弱。这一切把我弄得裹足不前。难道这就是我今生的人生考验吗？我不知道，我只知道我将来的路不易走。
Today I have the dancing class. It is a ballroom dance. It is quite boring.
I missed the exciting dance in previous class. It was a freestyle dance. It is also my favorite song. Move......uh......uh..... haha.
I dance together in today's closing even though I did not learn previously. Simply dance and throw away my sadness which surrounded me due to the drama in previous day.
My thoughts are really complicated now. My hearts too! Who am I? When am I going to be exploded? I don't know. Now, I hungrily hope for a hug from my buddy, like the hugs between Tae Sub and Kyung Soo. Previously I thought I can survive with family love and alone but suddenly I am hoping for life partner love. It is crazy. The consequences are scary. No way! How am I going to deal with all these?
*A replacement post for yesterday
Yesterday, I cried heavily for twice due to the drama - Life is beautiful episodes 20&21. In those scenes, the main character, Tae Sub told almost everything which is deep inside my heart. From the scenes, it was really tough for everyone in the family especially the parents and the main character in facing and dealing with the dilemma.
The main character confess his sexual orientation. Confess......Due to the society views and eyes. Due to he is the eldest grandson. Due to how heavy is his burden and responsibility. I could feel how hard was the feeling. That's why I cried heavily. I even tried to stop watching due to that moment was around 8pm as I worried parents may knock my door and saw my reddish eyes and nose. Indeed my eyes and nose were really red. I went to bed directly and woke up again at midnight. I continued the episodes 20 & 21 and I cried until my pillow became wet. Seriously, it was really hard feeling.
Today I watch this movie "The Sniper" online. It is the story of 3 handsome and sexy men. Huang XiaoMing, Edison Chen and Richie Ren. Haha, Richie Ren is damn cool in this movie but he is not really handsome if compare to the other two.
The last part of the movie is quite inspiring.
Having desired to excel over others is a must for every man. Is it right or wrong? Two of the top snipers both killed eventually due to their fights for pride and power. It is not worth. In fact, top achievers can be exist together!
*A replacement post for yesterday
OMG, perhaps I may get a summon due to speeding on the highway as I saw a police holding a speed detector at the highway divider.
Hopefully I did not exceed the speed limit. It was accidentally I used a low and free gear before I saw the police. This was due to the toll lane blockage from a driver which made me reverse and forward to use another lane.
I was damn angry if the summon is issued. The police must show notice for the speed trap. The purpose is to reduce road accident but not increasing their income by summons issuance. I hope the authorities will look into this issue.
*A replacement post for last Friday
At night, I was reading in order to avoid myself to be sad and moody.
Target of life is important. It can be small like targeting to read a good book within a year. It can be big like helping those who are unfortunate.
What is my target of life?
1. Tuition
2. Dance
3. PEng
4. Gym
5. Happy Single Life
*A replacement post for last Thursday
Recently I watched this Korean drama series - Life is beautiful.
Below is the quoted dialogue from the main actor in revealing the truth of his sex preference to his lady colleague who like him in episode 8&9 (if not mistaken).
"I am no longer the confused youth who likes men more than women. I've overcome such feelings of confusion a very long time ago. I really disliked myself and I was really unhappy.I always felt guilty and deprecated myself as if I were a criminal. That is what I am now. I was afraid of facing up to people around me, afraid of disappointing my parents and my siblings too. So I kept telling me I wasn't like that. I insisted that it wasn't me. But repressing myself like that was even harder than acknowledging myself. I had no confidence of being able to deal with my family if they were to find out and was afraid of the blow this would mean to my parents so even quite up to recently. I was hesitating if I should keep up the lie to myself and to society and live like this dishonestly for my entire life."
Kinda heartbroken and Tae Sub(The drama's role) really tells my current feeling and condition.
*A replacement post for last Wednesday
Again I had a really hard feeling on last Wednesday.
I drove my mum to seek for dental treatment due to her toothache. Unfortunately no clinic was in operation at night.
In the driving journey, I was being told about the same stuffs. Tackle girl...... Age...... bla bla bla...... I was really moody during my drive. I remained silence.
Please leave me alone. I did not mean to hurt you. I just can't simply find a girl and get married for the sake of family. I knew you people are worried but I knew who I am. I need your understanding. Divorce will be the ending if the marriage is not sincere. Please don't push me further. Please......
*A replacement post for last Tuesday
Perhaps due to the burning of midnight oil since last Sunday for the article writing, I suffered from a minor headache on last Tuesday.
Therefore I chose to skip the dancing class for this week. Besides, I did not feel like waiting for hours after my office hour for the class. It was bored and tiring. I hope I have enough determination to attend the following dancing class.
*A replacement post for last Monday
It was kinda exhausting last Monday as I was rushing for an article submission. It was a task which assigned by my superior.
I spent about 2 days to complete my writing. The schedule was damn tight. I was being informed to select the article title since 2nd April and the title was chosen at 3rd April. Then the title was being secured and article format/outline was provided at 5th April. The article submission deadline is 7th April. It was a bit crazy. However, I tried my best to begin my writing since 6th April (Sunday!!!) and wrapped up the article by 7th April. Submission was done at 7th April night after verification by my superior.
The words from superiors are really meant to their subordinates. I got this comment from my superior on my work, "Great with simple explanation, thanks for the effort." I was really happy. At least I knew what I have done was being appreciated. I did understand another life theory. If you perform your job sincerely, you may get a sincere return eventually! It is quite true! Of course, never ever expect too much for the return else your great feeling will become significantly small.
Actually I am working at home today. I was setting my assignment questions just now.
We are not as free as you think. You should give us flexi working hour. I am really struggling on the daily hectic traffic. At least I do not need to waste my time on the road jam. Such a stupid policy. Hope you can be understanding.
*A replacement post for yesterday
It was such a tiring day. I went to Lowyat plaza to claim my powerline adapter. Unfortunately there was no stock at the moment and I was being asked to collect after 2 weeks.
What the heck! I traveled so far and you told me no stock! The moral of the story is technology must be utilized as I have to call before going.
Luckily I did buy something(smart holder and car charger) from Lowyat plaza. At least the trip was not wasted.
In fact the traveling cost was expensive.
Petrol = RM20
Toll = NIL (I skipped toll but jammed like hell the famous "highway")
Parking = RM5
I spent for about RM50++ for shopping in Lowyat plaza. RM50+RM25 = RM75. OMG, I spent almost half of my daily salary within half a Saturday. Damn it.
*A replacement post for last Friday
I chatted a lot with my colleague in the office last Friday. I had to stop these in future as he complained people even though the person was in the office. Although we chatted gently but it was really not good to behave in that manner.
*A replacement post for last Thursday
It was a departmental buffet luncheon. It was not fun as we paid the meal with our own money.
I ate a lot foods. Satay, Sushi, Fish (Salmon, White Tuna), Clamp (Oyster, Lala), Prawn, Ice Cream, Fruit (Kiwi, Pineapple), Dessert (Moose, Cheese) and a lot more!
It must be very careful in the department. The big big head "shot" one of my colleague on his works quality during a free chat after the lunch in office. I was kinda really pity on him. They shouldn't do that even though in a joking manner.
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